Renaissance fairs are where you can spot the biggest geeks in the community; dressed up as someone ancient, or some legendary creature, or something entirely weird. It is no surprise that people get a little extra crazy when they see everyone dressed up as morons. You have to admit most renaissance fairs are filled with whackos that think they are going to find a fairy godmother that will grant all their wishes and make them look cool. There is no telling as to how and when this tradition started, but there is nothing more awesome than getting to see everyone make a fool out of themselves every year; men wearing weirdly long and pointy hats, and women wearing renaissance gowns that are so tight, it’s a wonder how they manage to breathe.

It’s true, renaissance gowns are much tighter than they appear, and much less comfortable even though it may seem like they are offering a lot of space. Here is something else that’s true: they are hideous. Yes, no more lying to protect someone’s feelings. Those gowns are hideous. In fact, there is not a single person that comes off as good looking throughout the fair. The excessive make up, and the weird accents, and dear God, the lame jokes; everything becomes a true mess. It’s a surprise this tradition has lasted for so long. It’s unbelievable how women spend days looking to buy the best gowns, and then spend hours trying to fit inside them. Who are they trying to impress? We all know they are in pain. And then they spend days after the renaissance fair obsessing over their weight and make everybody else’s life miserable. Who asked you to wear the gown in the first place?

A more important issue to address is how women need to learn how to protect their renaissance gowns. Seriously, it is not just about putting it on and walking all jolly. Most of the time, those gowns are way too large for them to handle. There have been incidents when gowns caught fire at barbeques just because the air blew too hard. Women, it’s okay to wear something else. America’s got a lot of stores that offer great conventional clothes and at very convenient prices. And there are Black Fridays when those prices go even lower. Please, if you can’t handle a gown, don’t wear one; especially if you think wearing those gowns make you look pretty. They don’t, they make you look like women who are trying too hard.

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